August 19, 2011
Life is like riding the wave, something is always changing. Adapting to these changes is the challenge, just as the surfer must adjust quickly and accurately if a successful ride is realized.
Boogie Boarding at Balboa Beach, CA
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January 15, 2011
Bloch was a utopian philosopher whose work focuses on the concept of a utopian humanistic world where oppression and exploitation have been eliminated.
While Bloch’s ideas are worthy of some reflection, hope is more than something humanistic. It is deeply spiritual. The author of the book of Hebrews says it this way, “This hope (in Christ) is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.”
Without hope one struggles with simply throwing their life away. Filled with torment, many simply give up and destroy themselves through reckless behavior. They have no anchor for their souls.
There is an alternative to “throwing your life away.” Positive outcomes can be reached (The tower of steps crafted by Max Bill depicts this to some degree). We can experience a heightened sense of well being, performance can improve, and expectancy can rise. The Celebrate Recovery Program offers a series of steps to accomplish this.
Step 2 states, “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
A brief summary of ideas considered in the Celebrate Recovery Participant’s Guide is worthy of our consideration. To begin with, hope is anchored in some higher power. Jesus Christ desires a hand-on, day-to-day, moment-by-moment relationship with us. This is followed by an openness to change. We are powerless to change some things. With God’s help, we need to be open to allow our trials to change us. To make us better, not bitter.
God offers us the power to change and extend a hand of hope. When we reach for that hand, we can expect change to take place. This is at the center of our understanding about hope.
How do we find hope? By faith in our Higher Power, Jesus Christ.
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
Think with me for a moment. Where are you trying to find hope? What do you believe about God? Reflect on how your feelings are about a Heavenly Father and your earthly father. How can your relationship with your Higher Power, Jesus Christ, help you step out of your denial and face reality? In what areas of your life are you now ready to let God help you? What things are you ready to change in your life? Where can you get the power to change them?
These questions are found the Celebrate Recovery Participant’s Guide Number 1, in Lesson 3. Consider this study and look for a Celebrate Recovery Program. See www.CelebrateRecovery.com
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December 18, 2010
Watching Powerlessness
Are we sinking more and more into this state? Instant imaging technology has moved us from just watching images to pursuing them. This feeding on images sometimes breeds frustration, anger, and a certain passion for more. This ubiquity has become our “daily bread.” No wonder we slip into compulsive behaviors and our life trembles on the brink of unmanageability.
Perhaps you find yourself in just such a state, craving more and more images, perhaps highly questionable ones, or angry about a collection of images viewed through your favorite medium. A certain sense of “I can’t do anything about this” describes your condition at the moment. If so, reflect on the following that may help you recover from a sinking sense of powerlessness.
In your mind, pride may not seem the appropriate place to begin; yet, we know pride often precedes our downfall into behaviors that bring undesirable consequences. Stop for a moment, ruminate over your life and look for ways that pride may be contributing to your sense of powerlessness. The endless stream of images you view may actually be contributing to that state and impeding God’s power in your life.
If your mood, condition of mind, or trend of choices has drawn you into an “if only” condition, perhaps more reading than image watching will assist you in collecting yourself and balancing out your behaviors. It is known that “readers” fair better in society than those who only watch an endless stream of images. If you have trouble reading, find a mentor, take a class, or simply discipline yourself to read more each day before you sit down and consume more images.
One condition that often accompanies a tendency to pursue images is worry. Consider shifting away from what you cannot control to what God can do. That’s what Scripture can do, shift us to a higher plane of thinking. Offering us an image of a higher power, greater than all the images technology brings us, and introducing us to a life with God. When this happens worry diminishes. As we often pray in recovery, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Start now to exchange worry for wisdom by reducing your attachment to images of the world and look into the images of a spiritual life imaged by Jesus Christ. He is the image our Father offers us. For in Him, we see a life, images of goodness, that can mold and shape our own, and others can “watch” God’s power at work in us. The Celebrate Recovery Bible is a tool that is useful for such a pursuit.
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November 26, 2010
The Apostle Peter said, “We are slaves to what masters us.” In the order of life, failure to deal with our obsessions and compulsions will lead us into a form of slavery, bondage if you will, to the tormenting struggles that we all endure. Leo Tolstoy addresses this in his book “Anna Karenina” written over 100 years from the heartland of Russia. In this novel, he explores the themes of hypocrisy, jealousy, faith, fidelity, family, marriage, society, progress, carnal desire and passion. Anna Karenina (1877) tells parallel stories of an adulterous woman trapped by the conventions and falsities of society and of a philosophical landowner (much like Tolstoy), who works alongside the peasants in the fields and seeks to reform their lives.
Perhaps the popularity of his book, even today, is related to his boldness to face these realities. As we mentioned in our last post, reality is a nettlesome subject that we all struggle with. Denying the struggle or minimizing it brings a certain disability to our existence. This can freeze our emotional state and leave us trapped in a world of make believe, assuming certain behaviors that protects our dignity and status…living behind a mask.
When we realize we are slaves to what masters us we raise the potential that we can move away from the struggle to do what is good while unable to carry it out.
In the finality of things, we want to do the right thing. Yet, when we try in our own power, we fall short. We end up doing precisely what we don’t want to do. At some point, hopefully, we come to realize we are not God. We admit we are powerless to control our tendency to do the wrong thing and that our life has become unmanageable.
Tolstoy, after reading Schopenhauer‘s The World as Will and Representation, emphasized this portion of the book:
But this very necessity of involuntary suffering (by poor people) for eternal salvation is also expressed by that utterance of the Savior (Matthew 19:24): “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” Therefore those who were greatly in earnest about their eternal salvation, chose voluntary poverty when fate had denied this to them and they had been born in wealth. Thus Buddha Sakyamuni was born a prince, but voluntarily took to the mendicant’s staff; and Francis of Assisi, the founder of the mendicant orders who, as a youngster at a ball, where the daughters of all the notabilities were sitting together, was asked: “Now Francis, will you not soon make your choice from these beauties?” and who replied: “I have made a far more beautiful choice!” “Whom?” “La poverta (poverty)”: whereupon he abandoned every thing shortly afterwards and wandered through the land as a mendicant. – Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, Vol. II, §170
As Americans, we live a life of nobility, compared the existence of the common man in Russia during Tolstoy’s lifetime. Yet, we can hardly bear the thought of abandoning the American Dream and giving away our wealth. It’s too painful for us. So, we live in this make believe world filled with denial, glossing over our struggles, and putting on the mask of respectability while outwardly manifesting religious behaviors necessary to live the gospel according to the American Dream, slaves to what masters us.
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November 15, 2010
Facing the issues of life requires steady discipline by thinking well about the various aspects of our life. One way to begin is to think about areas of our life that you have control over. For example, our minds and what we think about. Our emotions, and how they are displayed. Our will, and the choices we make. Our body, and how we manage it. Our social life, and how we interact with others.
On the other hand, sometimes certain areas of our life are out of control, unmanageable. For example, at times I lose my ability to think clearly and act out by overstating something or I become so emotionally charged I lose control of my tongue. At other times, I become obsessed by something and will not relent until that obsession is acted upon. For example, I have taken up photography as a hobby and at times I obsess badly about a new lens I want to add to my equipment sometimes sitting at the computer and staring at the lens!!
If you are contemplating change, are you willing to reflect on denial and how it is interfering with your need to change some area of of your life? I know at times I drift into a reality-free zone.
I have discovered that what is real to me at times, is not reality, it is only my view of reality. In other words, change requires a reality check. Stay with me in the coming posts and we will explore this in greater detail. Here’s a graphic that helps describe what I am talking about.
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November 13, 2010
M. Scott Peck, M.D.
Peck spoke in this manner, “It has been said that the successful psychotherapist must bring to the psychotherapeutic relationship the same courage and the same sense of commitment as the patient. The therapist must also risk change. Of all the good and useful rules of psychotherapy that I have been taught, there are very few that I have not chosen to break at one time or another, not out of laziness and lack of discipline but rather in fear and trembling, because my patient’s therapy seemed to require that, one way or another, I should step out of the safety of the prescribed analyst’s role, be different and risk the unconventional. As I look back on every successful case I have had I can see that at some point or points in each case I had to lay myself on the line. The willingness of the therapist to suffer at such moments is perhaps the essence of therapy, and when perceived by the patient, as it usually is, it is always therapeutic. It is also through this willingness to extend themselves and suffer with and over their patients that therapists grow and change. Again as I look back on my successful cases, there is notone that did not result in some very meaningful, often radical, change in my attitudes and perspectives. It has to be this way.” [page 149] The Road Less Traveled (1978).
After reading this, what are the most important insights about deep change did you see? Have you ever experienced deep change such as Peck described?
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November 10, 2010
Listed below are 10 of the most significant changes I have made over the last 68 years:
1. Move from a historical understanding of the one called Jesus to a personal relationship with Him.
2. Join the U.S. Navy
3. Finish college.
4. Enter the ministry.
5. Marry my wife.
6. Move to the West Coast.
7. Become an Alcohol and Drug Counselor.
8. Accept the role of Staff Pastor.
9. Start a Celebrate Recovery Program.
10. Commit to a life style of deep change.
Your list will be quite different than mine. I challenge you to enter into a state of reflection and journal your list of the 10 most significant changes you have made.
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December 30, 2009
Climbing the stairway of change
I have not blogged in over a month! What’s going on? A lot; primarily burnout. I fell off the stairs! My behavior provides an excellent example of the change dynamic. We never think about change. Then, through a change in circumstances, we begin a time of contemplating making change. And, if sufficient motivation is there, we begin to prepare for change. That’s where I stopped. As a blogger, I simply could not write an article on the next stage of change – ACTION. I was stuck. Maybe, that’s where you are regarding some change you are contemplating. If so, read on.
To talk about the action stage for a minute, let me create a scenario. To begin, it is during the action stage were you will see the most behavioral changes occur. The over eater will eliminate fatty foods, smokers rids themselves of cigarettes or ashtrays, the person with chemicals around will pour the alcohol down the drain or throw away illicit drugs and paraphernalia.
It is here in the action stage that the most time and energy is expended. We need a lot of recognition and positive reinforcement during this stage, since our behavior represents achieving positive change in our lives. I quickly add, action, as important as it is, is neither the first nor the last stop in the cycle of change.
Take for example, my desire to become a regular, relevant, reflective blogger. This is a major change in my life. I go through periods of imagining what it is like to be a really cool blogger. I jump up, blog, then sag. Grrr. In other words, I have not fully entered into a stable state of blogging.
What do I need? What do you need? Let’s think about it for a moment. For one thing, we need reinforcement about the importance of moving deeper into action. For me, that’s hard to find. I am a lone blogger. I don’t have a cluster of blogging mentors to spurn me on. This hinders my change. You may be in the same boat!
Another insight. We need to take small steps. I was trying to go too fast. I lacked stamina to blog fast and hard. I acknowledge this…and important part of taking action.
What I am looking for now is reinforcement. You may need that as well. Let’s go looking for it. Social support is the idea.
Say, you are struggling to overcome a hurt, habit, or hangup. The new year is fast approaching. What does your social support look like? If it is flimsy and thin, look around. I encourage you to review the Celebrate Recovery website listed in my links. Find one in your area, give it a try. Don’t remain stuck.
I leave you with this quote, “Intelligence is not the measure of how much we know how to do, but of how we behave when we don’t know what to do.” John Holt
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November 21, 2009
Presently, I am reading a book entitled “Building the Bridge as You Walk on It” by Robert E. Quinn. This intriguing book serves as a guide for leading change, which brings me to my topic at hand – preparing for it. (see my September post on stages of change)
Quinn, in his book, uses the phrase selected for the title of this post. It serves well to call attention to the dynamic of preparing for change. In this stage we are committed and planning to make change in the near future, yet still considering what to do. It is an awkward condition. Where does this leave us? Basically, it involves finding assistance to get ready for change. The task is to develop a change plan, seek guidance, and obtain information and advice as needed.
During this time we say things like:
“I’ve got to do something about this problem!”
“This is serious…something has to change now.”
“What can I do? How do I go about making this change?”
This is the time when motivation to change can be enhanced. If it doesn’t get reinforced, we can slip easily back into the state of contemplation thus delaying the change.
This is seen clearly in step 4 of the 12-step program. The individual moves through the first 3 steps, prepares to take an inventory, and suddenly they face this huge barrier. It is often expressed like this, “I can’t do this. It is too painful.” At this point the accountability partner or sponsor plays a vital role.
This dynamic applies to the executive in the corporate market place or the individual who struggles to overcome some hurt, hang-up, or habit. The principle is the same.
I know from firsthand experience what this is like. In my work as pastor to a large contingent of older adults and as the director of a recovery program, I face the need to change continually. Providing fresh leadership is no easy task, especially for this 67 year-old. Simultaneously, I minister to people who are resistant to change. The older adult struggles with the fast pace changes of the local church, while others struggle to keep their life from becoming unmanageable.
As you read this post, you may have reached a point for needed change in your personal life or in your life as an employee. A crisis looms. You have this gut feeling that something is not quite right. Jot down a few ideas about some needed changes. There are probably a lot of things you could do. What would really work? What roadblocks stand in your way?
I urge you to find someone you trust and broach the subject of change. Permit yourself to walk naked in the land of uncertainty.
Watch for a coming post on the next step in making a change…action!
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November 3, 2009
The Tower of Pisa was a work of art, performed in three stages over a period of about 177 years. Although intended to stand vertically, the tower began leaning to the southeast soon after the onset of construction in 1173 due to a poorly laid foundation and loose substrate that allowed the foundation to shift direction. See en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leaning Tower of Pisa.
This unique piece of architecture is a great tourist attraction. I had the pleasure of visiting the site while serving in the U.S. Navy during the early 60’s. Little did I realize how the visit would stimulate my mind and that I would write about it 49 years later.
The preservation of the tower is a wonderful compliment to man’s artistic capability and determination to make the best of a bad situation.
The tower provides a tremendous symbolic message about human nature. We too can be tilted off center by bad decisions or forces that move against us. And yet, our “tilt” can benefit us. Explore this with me for a moment.
The “tower” suffered from at least two problems, shifting soil and inadequate foundation. Today, society is plagued by “shifting soil.” Slick advertising, fancy taglines and elitist word mongering, skew our minds, and many tilt like the tower of Pisa from the onslaught.
When the foundation of our life is weak, exterior forces oftentimes push against us. These forces take away our space. We become choked by resentments from the past that smother the soul. This dynamic is addressed in step 4 of the 12-step program, which states, “we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Part of that inventory includes listing the person or object you resent or fear. Resentment by definition is mostly unexpressed anger and fear.
It has been said, “hurt people hurt people.” During this step you list the specific actions that someone did to hurt you or “tilt” you to one side. An example would be the alcoholic father or spouse, who was emotionally unavailable for you as you were growing up or working through the issues of a marriage.
As you read this article you may find yourself “on tilt” because of some hurtful action or actions that affected your life. Damage can include broken relationships or slander in your social life. Your sense of security including physical safety and finances may be damaged. Even your sexual life may suffer due to an abusive relationship which damaged the intimacy.
Just as the engineers, historians, and other important people sought to preserve the Tower of Pisa despite the tilt, there is someone who wants to assist you as well. No matter how you have been hurt, no matter how lost you may feel, God wants to comfort and restore you upright.
“I will look for those that are lost, I bring back those that wander off, bandage those who are hurt, and heal those that are sick.” (Ezekiel 34:16, GNB)
I close by sharing step 12 which reads, “Having had a spiritual experience as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” The 12 step program is an excellent way to “climb the stairs of Pisa” and ring the bell for a more excellent way. May God help you to use “your tilt” to tell others the Good News.
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